Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
