oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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