Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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