My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
