Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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