You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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