you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
