Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
