peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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