i don't plan on having that self control this summer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So much Jack, so little girl.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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