Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
