They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
