Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
