even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
