Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize