God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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