when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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