I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
