omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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