So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My ass is underappreciated
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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