What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
