He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
