omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
