hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
