So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
