So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
