Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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