My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
