You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dear god my vagina.
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