College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
