if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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