Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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