how can u be prego again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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