and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
