She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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