he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
