A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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