I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
