She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
