Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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