its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sobbing to NWA
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
