Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
