found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
