I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
