new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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