If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
