You're my little dorito
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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