I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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