We won't sleep together?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
