You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
