so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wear drunk well.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
