i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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